by krazydad / jbum

Query by T¬R: I’m become unstable and tentatively suicidal more than my LGBT and other troubles.?
I am a probably gay, bi or pansexual boy who suffers from depression. I’ve tried three antidepressants to no avail, and I’ve smoked marijuana on 3 occasions and was unable to get substantial. I reside off of caffeine, it’s the only way I make it by means of every single day.

Correct now, my life is nothing at all. I wake up, feel shitty, then eventually get so bored that I go to bed. That’s what every day is like.

I am depressed for numerous reason, and there is no way I could sum it up in 5000 characters so I will just name a few.

I want to be stunning. I adore hair and makeup. Nonetheless, my roman catholic, italian born father is extremely sturdy in his roots, and is disgusted by what I want to do. My mother is a devout christian who believes that looking the way I want to is morally wrong. She also doesn’t think aesthetic can actually be essential to men and women.
I want to wear makeup and have my long hair and wear girls garments- not due to the fact I want to be female in anyway, but instead simply because I truly feel women’s clothes is merely prettier and I want to be beautiful for the sake of it. Nonetheless, amongst my mother and father and college environment, I cannot do this.
I hate my personal physique and how I expand hair all over the place and have a male form, and how I currently can do absolutely nothing to change this.

I dwell in a tiny town and go to a high college of approximately 350 college students. I utilised to be bullied as the fat kid, and then lost weight, wore skinny jeans and grew my hair out as properly as dyed it blue, and quickly became the ***** kid.

I am genuinely depressed more than my sexuality, as I do not know what it is. I do NOT like most guys- I despise masculinity it grosses me out. On the other hand, ‘sissy’ males never entice me- I don’t like the thought of an individual staying that way for a kink.

It is much more of the people like Michael James, Jeffree Star and so on. that I feel I’d be with… but it would seem all of people varieties of individuals are following manly guys.

So… IDK if I’m gay, bi, or what. I do appreciate female beauty and the female physique a lot much more than men. Nonetheless, I can not envision myself obtaining straight sex.

I don’t assume I’m asexual.

I’ve gone to multiple therapists (LMFTs) and have gotten nowhere with any of them. As I said just before, antidepressants don’t alter my mood.

I both spend my time attempting to make synth music, or Pc gaming. Neither are fun for me at the moment, and they are just time wasters.

I have no pals. I try out to discover individuals to talk to on internet sites like omegle, but there is no person to speak to. The couple of individuals who will talk to me are just young teen girls who are fascinated by feminine/gay guys, and that is all they have to speak about me.

I’ve been unable to locate anything at all to hold me going. I kindof just want to die. I wish a third-celebration could do some thing for me to make me enjoy residing, but no matter what I consider I can’t seem to find individuals people.

What can I do?

Best answer:

Answer by Dee
Aww man i want i could give you a hug.

i know this is not what you want to hear but please PLEASE look for skilled aid.

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Tags | Concerns, into, LGBT, over, suicidal, tentatively, turn, unstable